Wednesday, January 7, 2015

"The Wrong House"

This was a writing exercise I did for school. The first sentence was the writing prompt.

(Image courtesy of Pinterest.)

The house was all wrong for them. In the first place, it was only one and a half stories tall, when it should have been two and a half. Then, the door was slanted, and not upside down as they wanted. To make matters worse, the doorknob was cement instead of glass!

That poor family. They were all wizards or witches, but very obviously inexperienced at house building. The windows were the worst, shaped to something like a mangled picket fence. It was so ugly and misshapen you can't make heads or tails of it. The roof was jagged and marked with terrifically disgusting splotches of what looked like glue, probably to hold the cedar shingles together.

The siding was a mess, too. It was a bright red, far too bright. The siding was peeling in places, and a family of rabbits had made their home there. The porch was only a third of the way built, and there was a nasty drop if one wasn't careful.

The inside was also horrendous. The living room had the toilet (they remedied this with a curtain, thank goodness!), the kitchen held the baby's bassinet, and the cellar was slanted and had a mess of pipes all knotted like so many snakes.

The bedrooms looked like tents, because the walls leaned inward and peaked at the top. The beds were triangles or stars instead of circles or rectangles. Wardrobes were constantly switching clothes between each other, so one day the Mrs. would be wearing the daughter's bonnet and the baby the brother's tie.

The wizard's master laboratory was truly a nightmare. Potions were scuttling this way and that, and nothing was labeled. The door was a good three feet from the ground, and the window was, of course, the mangled picket fence. The lights above were multi-colored, and that makes things very hard to concentrate on unless you are dancing. Really, the laboratory is the only convenient place to dance, because the dance hall is more like a booby-trapped maze.

The attic is dark and smelly, and nothing is organized or packed away properly. The floorboards will disappear without warning, and there is a curious laugh coming from a corner.

The carpets are all the same color, but with varying degrees of floof. The kitchen has a lot of carpet. Your feet could disappear within it, and you may not get them back. The bathroom is like an unmowed lawn, and you can guess how difficult that makes things. But the bedrooms have such a thin carpet it's almost uncomfortable to walk.

The lawns, by the way, are also terrible. The grass is white with pink daisies. White! What a horror! That was the fashion ages ago. They may have tried for the popular blue, but I suppose with their incompetent level of magic they take what they can get. There is a shed, too. But it has so many padlocks and keys it's nigh impossible to get in unless you are very stubborn and determine to get in.

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